Our Second Pregnancy

On July 25, 2015, we found out we were pregnant again for the second time! This was such an exciting day especially because we found out the day that Adam had come home from his 2 weeks at drill. There were a lot of emotions whirling around us at this point. We were so thrilled to be pregnant again. In the back of both of our minds, we had some fear and anxiety about what could happen.

Because the last pregnancy ending came as such a surprise, we wanted to try and see if the doctors office would be more willing to monitor this pregnancy closer. I called to notify them that I was pregnant again and asked if I could come in for some blood work. They brought me in at a little before 5 weeks. What a relief it was to hear that my blood work looked great and my levels were right where they needed to be! Baby C was expected to arrive March 31, 2016.

We went in for a doctors appointment at about 6 1/2 weeks. The appointment did not go well. At my ultrasound, the gestational sac was an irregular shaped-very oblong. They could not find any trace of a baby inside nor a heartbeat. To say we were crushed was an understatement. It was like our nightmare was being relived all over again. But despite all of this bad news from the doctor, we were not going to believe that this was it. As believers, we believed in something greater. We believed in miracles and what the doctor said was not going to stop us from believing that a miracle was possible.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us." Romans 8:31

At this point, we had told our immediate family, close friends, and life group that we were pregnant. These are the people that had been there for us through this suffering so we figured we could really use their prayers. We decided it was best to tell them early on so we could have all of our friends and family rallying around us and praying for us. We were so glad that we had made the choice to tell everyone because after this bad news, we were calling and texting all our family and friends to be praying for a miracle.

The doctors brought me in the next week (only a couple of days after our previous appointment). I was about 7 weeks. I had an appointment with a different doctor at the office because my doctor was out of town. We did an ultrasound and saw a little improvement but nothing big. The doctor decided that it would be best to put me on a hormone medicine called Progesterone and bring me back in a week. So I got right on the medicine and we alerted our prayer warriors to keep on praying.

The days and time spent in between the doctors visits were extremely hard. There was so much we didn't know and it was all completely out of our control. I didn't know what to think. Half of me thought I was going to lose this baby but the other half of me thought that a miracle might happen. Either way, we just kept on praying and asking the Lord to please develop and protect our sweet child.

We came back to the doctor the following week, which should put me at about 8 weeks. We got good news from the doctor and ultrasound. My sac was still irregular but there was a tiny little baby detected in the sac. When they tried to find a heartbeat, they could not distinguish between my heartbeat and the baby's. So the good news was that not all hope was lost and maybe next week we could hear/see this baby's heartbeat. I continued on the medicine because it appeared to be helping. We kept on asking for prayers from everyone that was willing to pray. I scheduled my next doctor’s appointment for the next week which means that I would be about 9 1/2 weeks along.

Side Note: I am a schoolteacher and at this point in my pregnancy, we had just started the school year. So not only did I have the stress of what was going on at home, but I had a brand new batch of 25 kids waiting. The first few weeks of teaching are extremely crucial to how the rest of your school year will pan out. (All my teacher friends reading this know exactly what I am talking about.) These are the weeks when you "lay down the law." These are the weeks when you develop a relationship with 25 new faces and get to know their parents. This is when you are establishing your classroom dynamic and rules and procedures. The first few weeks of school are the hardest but putting forth that effort in the beginning is SO worth it in the end. So with that being said, I was having an extremely hard time trying to balance everything that was going on in my life.

Week 2 of school had just started. I can't remember the exact date that I was supposed to have my doctor’s appointment but I know it was later in the week. I was very anxious to see what was going to happen at this doctor’s appointment. On Tuesday, August 25, 2015, I started spotting at school. At first, I called the nurse at the doctors office and described the situation to her and she said that it should be pretty normal and to call back if it got worse. Well by the end of the school day, it was definitely "worse." I knew what was happening. (Sorry for the gross details.) At this point, I was bleeding and cramping a ton. I was about to miscarry this baby.

I left school right away and called Adam. He met me at the hospital right near our house. I just remembered being so scared and confused and in pain. Was this really about to happen again? I couldn't seem to cope with the fact that we were about to lose another child. I felt like all hope was lost. As Christians, we go through many different seasons. The season I was currently in was a dry season of feeling like God wasn't near and didn't hear my cries. This is obviously a complete lie that came straight from Satan. In these moments, it is where our faith is truly tested. When your world comes crashing down, it is so easy to turn from the Lord and think that He is not good or that His plan isn't perfect. I had to convince myself that this was not at all true and cling to this verse:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I had to believe that God had a greater purpose in this and that God's plan was bigger and far better than what I thought was good for us. God is always good, just, loving and He hears every single cry. God hates sin and evil and what we were going through is a part of the broken and sinful world we are living in. God will redeem us-this was the whisper that I kept hearing. Man, how I wished that it would happen right then and there but that wasn't a part of his plan. He had something far greater planned; we were just going to have to be patient to get there.

At the hospital, they ran urine and blood tests. They did an ultrasound and all sorts of things before they would really even tell us what was going on. We felt like we had been awaiting bad news for an eternity. They finally told us that my cervix was starting to open and that the baby was no longer living and it was a matter of time before I miscarried. At this point, the process had already started but it was going to get much worse. They released me and sent us home with instructions to see the OB as soon as possible.

The next morning, I had an appointment with my OB doctor. She gave us 2 options as to how to go about this miscarriage. Even though I was bleeding, I still hadn't naturally miscarried the baby. There was the option of a D and C (like I had previously with the last miscarriage) or to miscarry naturally with a medicine called Misoprostol that would open up my cervix. After talking with the doctor and really praying about what was best for my body, we decided that to miscarry naturally and at home was a better choice. It was definitely the more painful option of the two, but it was a lot less risky as far as looking ahead towards future pregnancies.

Thursday, August 27, 2015 is when I started to miscarry. A lot of people don't realize the pain emotionally that comes with a miscarriage. You never forget the date your child was supposed to be born or the date that you lost that same child. And it definitely doesn't get easier each time. There was a lot of emotions whirling around in my head. I didn't understand why this happened to us again. I followed all the rules of pregnancy and we did everything right. Then, it led to me questioning if my body would ever be able to successfully carry a baby. As a women, that is a scary thought to consider. It haunted me constantly that I could not carry out my sole purpose for being a women. I have dreamed of being called Mommy since I was little. Some women desire to be lawyers, doctors, singers etc. My job might be being a teacher but the greatest desire in my heart was to become a mother to many children. On this day, I really started to wonder if this dream of mine would ever become a reality.

As Christian,s we are not called to live in fear but to trust in the Lord. Trust that his plan is greater than we can ever wrap our tiny little minds around. My hope was and is not found in earthly things and needs to continue be focused on The Lord. Ultimately, no child could ever satisfy me the way Christ satisfies his children. This truth was something that we had to cling to even when it wasn't easy to believe. I won't lie-it was not an easy journey. It is so hard to fully trust the Lord when it seems as if your problems are bigger than God. BUT all hope is not lost because we will hope in the Lord no matter what circumstances we are faced with.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

That morning, I set an alarm to take this medicine because my body had not moved things along yet. I was given instructions to take it around 5 am and that hopefully it would open my cervix in the next few hours. If not, I would have to repeat the process in 12 hours. I went back to sleep for a couple of hours and then awoke to the most pain I have ever felt my entire life. The point of this medicine is to start labor by making your uterus contract and your cervix open up. When I woke up, I was having extreme contractions which meant the medicine was working. The amount of pain physically didn't compare to the emotional pain that this was causing us. I was going through all of the pain of laboring and contractions; our story just ended differently. We were coming out of this empty handed.  I can't imagine what it's like to suffer all of the pain of child birthing only to hold a precious child in your arms and experience an indescribable joy. This pain was just another reminder of our empty arms, our loss, a child that we would never know, and a pain that didn't turn into joy.

"A women giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world." John 16:21

This verse may not be true for our second or our first pregnancy but it was still my prayer. My prayer was that one day I would gladly endure all the pain in the world to experience all this joy of becoming parents.

Around noon that day, I miscarried the baby. There isn't an easy way to make that statement. Some people might say the correct term is "fetus" or "tissue" but in our eyes it was more than tissue. That was our child. The Lord created our child in our womb and already knew every little detail before this baby was even a thought in our mind.

There are a couple details that go into the last part of this miscarriage. Most of them are way to gruesome and graphic to share.  There were also several negative things that happened at the doctor’s office that directly had an effect on us. After feeling that we were "wronged" by our doctor’s office, we decided it was in our best interest to switch doctors. We also had my friends that were telling us that we needed to switch OB's so that we could have the best care available. I will not drop any names because I want to respect everyone, and that is not the purpose of this blog.  The purpose is to show how God is constantly at work in our lives. This was just God's way of leading us somewhere else and giving us hope in a hopeless situation and answering our prayer.  It was also the Lord challenging us to forgive them in the midst of their mistakes. That was not an easy task but we know that the Lord forgives us for our many sins and we are called to do the same. So, we moved on and had a peace about the Lord calling us to leave. I will say that during this process of switching, we were led solely by the Lord to a new set of doctors and an amazing facility that I could not say enough wonderful things about. (I'll brag on them and mention them later.)

Looking for Answers about Recurring Miscarriages

After 2 miscarriages, I was considered someone who had "recurrent miscarriage." The reason for this diagnosis was because both of our pregnancies had ended in loss and for no reason that the doctors could find. This is when Adam and I decided that we had to do something. I was a 25 year old who was healthy with no reason to believe that anything was ever "wrong" with me or would hinder my ability to carry a child. I was someone who followed every single pregnancy rule from eating/not eating the right things to restricting my workouts and much more. There had to be a reason for this and we were desperate for answers. As much as we wanted answers, that is not always the path the Lord takes us on. Sometimes we are challenged to trust him so much so that we have nothing left to cling to but Him. A trust that means surrendering every aspect of our lives-no matter the cost.

"Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. " Matthew 16:24-25

The doctor that we were seeing at the time thankfully recommended for us to see 2 different specialists. So they forwarded our paperwork and off we went. The first specialist was one through MUSC who was going to run some tests. We met with him one afternoon, and he told us the blood tests he was going to run. He provided great detail about each blood test and if any of these were abnormal then that could help explain the root of the problem for pregnancy losses.

I went to the doctor a separate day and had about 10 different blood tubes filled to test for each possible answer. I am no doctor, so I don't remember exactly all of the tests they did. Some of them were thyroid, blood diseases, etc. The good news was that if any of these came back abnormal, I could be put on medicine to "fix" them and hopefully have a successful pregnancy. Half of me, wanted something to be wrong or come back abnormal. I was so desperate for answers and wanted an easy fix to this problem. Well, as expected, I was completely normal according to the blood results and very healthy. I count it as a blessing that I don't have anything wrong with me (even though in those moments I wanted answers). I just hoped that this meant I had an even higher chance of a successful and healthy pregnancy.

The one test that this specialist could not perform in his office was a small procedure. So, we went to the second specialist for more testing. I scheduled an appointment at this specialist for a procedure called an HSG. This is an x-ray test where the doctor inserts a dye into my uterus and fallopian tubes and watches it travel through. This can help them determine if there is an abnormal shaped uterus or if one of the fallopian tubes isn't functioning properly. (That's my best description as someone who doesn't know correct medical terms/definitions.) The doctor is able to determine right away if there is a problem that needs to be fixed or if everything was functioning properly. The good news: My test was normal and confirmed that my reproductive system was functioning properly. The even better news: The doctor that did this procedure asked us if we wanted his assistance from here on out with future pregnancies. Umm duh! That was something we didn't have to think over. Wow! We were so honored that he wanted to help us. I don't think we have ever had a doctor reach out to us in that way.

I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in the end goal that we often forget to stop where we are and thank God for the blessings along the way. "Just stop and smell the roses." We had so much to be thankful for and the Lord just continued to provide for us in so many ways.

"Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!" Psalm 101:1 "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The Struggles of Infertility

After many different tests, the doctors could not find one thing wrong with me. One of the only explanations that our doctor could give us was that my body was not producing enough progesterone once I was pregnant. This was the one thing they couldn't run any tests on seeing as I wasn't currently pregnant (nor had anyone monitored my levels close enough in the past 2 pregnancies). Progesterone is a hormone that your body produces once you are pregnant. Your body produces progesterone by a cyst on your ovary called a corpus luteum. Once you are about 10 weeks along, the placenta starts producing the progesterone. Their possible reasoning for me miscarrying was that my body was not producing this hormone which meant the baby stopped growing/developing.

So, the doctor put me on progesterone around September/October. The trick to taking this medicine is all about the right timing. You can't take this medicine daily throughout your cycle or it will act as a birth control. Every month, I would wait until about the 10th day of my cycle and begin testing to see when I would ovulate. I would use ovulation test strips to best predict when I would ovulate. (I would also look for symptoms for ovulation.) Once the test turned positive, I knew I would ovulate in the next day or so. Then, you have timed intercourse and about 4 days later I would start progesterone. I would stay on progesterone until the end of my cycle. Once I was at about my 30 day mark, I would take a pregnancy test. If it was positive, I stayed on the medicine to help the baby develop and provide that hormone that my body was lacking. If it was negative, I stopped the progesterone and then my cycle would start over again. This was an extremely frustrating process seeing as after our second miscarriage, my body was totally out of whack. I would have some cycles that would last 28 days and some that would last 36 days. This made it very hard to track anything.

There is a lot more to it than just the basics of following directions. After months of repeating this over and over again, and getting one negative pregnancy test after another, it became very emotionally draining. You start to lose hope and wonder why you are putting yourself through this. We never had trouble getting pregnant the first two pregnancies. It was such a blessing at the time that I sadly never thanked the Lord for. I do remember praying and telling the Lord, "Please Lord don't let me get pregnant again if this child will not be carried full term and be healthy. I just can't take it anymore, and there is no way that I can handle losing another child." Another thing that people don't realize with infertility struggles is the toll it takes on your body. With just the 2 weeks of taking progesterone, it makes your body think you are pregnant (even if you aren't). You get every symptom that comes along with pregnancy. There were some months when Adam and I were convinced we were pregnant-all to see another negative pregnancy test. I can't even explain how hard it is on your body, your marriage, your emotions, and much more.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so the you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."   James 1:2-4

From about September to January, we repeated this process every month. Then, we hit our breaking point. On my birthday, (in January-a year after we found out we were pregnant the first time), we scheduled a doctor visit to view our other options for getting pregnant. During that visit, they put us on a very specific plan of medicines and instructions as to what this month was going to look like. Our doctor was concerned about the length one my cycle being all over the place and how late I was ovulating. He decided it was best to put me on medicine to regulate my cycle, produce stronger hormones, and better prepare my eggs to make it easier to get pregnant. Basically, they were controlling my whole cycle to assist in the process and up our chances of getting pregnant. At this point, we were willing to do anything to have a successful pregnancy. We prayed over and over again asking the Lord to bless us with a child and to heal my womb. We kept praying and hoping that the Lord would hear our cries and know our deepest desires to one day be parents.


"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

We had the most proactive doctors and nurses that you could ever ask for during this hard time. If there was ever one thing that didn't work, they always moved on to the next thing to try something new. There was no doubt in his mind that we would one day be holding a child in our arms. And what a blessing this team of specialists were (and still are in our lives). God used them in so many ways during this season. They were proactive and reassured us and comforted us and lifted us up. During this season, it helps tremendously to know that your doctor and nurse are wanting this for you and cheering for you along the way.

Right after our appointment, we started our first month of fertility treatment with fertility medicines. Let us be the first to tell you-most of it is not covered under insurance, and it is not cheap by any means.  I was put on a pill called Letrozole to help regulate my cycle. I took this orally for about 5 days. Somewhere in that time frame, some of my medicines would overlap. I was also on Gonal-F which is a fertility drug that is a follicle stimulating hormone. Basically, it is a medicine to increase the size of my egg follicles to get them ready for ovulation. Adam would give me a shot in my leg every night of Gonal-F (rotating legs). We usually did this for about 7 days in a row, and I did not enjoy this process. I am not a big fan of shots so this was not very fun. During this 7 day span, I would go in about twice a week for a blood sample and ultrasound. This was to see if my eggs were progressing and preparing for ovulation. Once they were big enough, I would do what was called a trigger shot. (You ovulate from the side where your eggs are most developed.) This medicine called Ovidrel was a fertility drug that makes your eggs release-resulting in ovulation. This was by far my least favorite part of the process because Adam had to give me this shot in my stomach, and it was very painful. After Ovidrel, the doctor would tell you when to have timed intercourse. Then, 4 days later I would take Progesterone as I had been previously in months prior.

Needless to say, when you are on 4 different fertility medicines, it can make you a little crazy. I was so hormonal and emotional about everything. It caused my mind to only think in monthly cycles. It controlled so much of our lives that it was so hard not to be consumed by it or to only focus on getting pregnant.

After the first cycle with medicines, we found out in February that it didn't work. So, we started all over again. This time was very similar but with slight changes to increase our chance of getting pregnant. The doctor upped my dosage of my Gonal-F injections, and we tried a couple things differently. Everything else stayed the same. Well, in March we found out that we were not pregnant. I remember asking the Lord, "God, when it this suffering going to end? Have we not endured enough pain yet?" I never got an answer which is probably confirmation that the Lord was still at work in the midst of our trials.


"But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction." Job 36:15

I had grown to absolutely hate pregnancy tests! I was so tired of seeing months and months of endless negatives. Usually, I would wake up before my alarm to pee. So, I would wake Adam up, pee on the stick, have him look at it and tell me the result, which was negative. Then, I would cry myself back to sleep for about an hour until it was time to get up for work. This went on for months and months. After we found out we weren't pregnant in March, I told Adam that we could try this one more month, and then I needed a break. I was completely drained emotionally and couldn't handle the disappointment anymore. Adam became very frustrated by the whole process because there was nothing he could do about it. It was something he wanted as well. It was hard for him to sit and just wait and have no control over the situation. I think it became especially draining for him to see me that way because for months I wasn't myself at all. He wanted so badly to be able to fix things but neither of us had any control over the outcome.  It was all in the Lord's hands, and we had to learn to completely surrender everything to the Lord (including our desire to control things).

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

We went in for our doctor's appointment to review the instructions/make changes for the month of March/April. Everything pretty much stayed the same again except he upped the dosage a little more of Gonal-F to make sure my egg follicles were completely ready for ovulation. During this month, I had a lot of time to reflect and relax because I was off from work for a week on Spring Break. It was nice to have all of my doctor's appointments during this time. I didn't have to take off from work and people weren't constantly wondering why I was absent so much. It was a relaxing week and I just  enjoyed my time off by spending time with family and friends. It was very refreshing and just what I needed.

One Sunday in March, our pastor preached a sermon that really stuck with me. It was the kind of sermon that you hear and you feel like God is speaking directly to you. Actually, I did not just hear him speaking to me but literally shouting at me, "Becca, are you listening? This message is for you!!!" The sermon was about surrendering everything to the Lord. Not just surrendering your job and your marriage and picking what you want to surrender but surrendering it all to Him. The scripture that day really resonated with me. It was one of those verses that I just kept coming back to. The verse was:

"Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up." Hosea 6:1

Wow! From that moment on, I felt like saying, "Yes Lord, I hear you loud and clear and I finally get it!" It's like the lightbulb came on. I was in such a good place with everything that month. If we were pregnant, great, and if we weren't pregnant, that was fine too. Either way, we were going to trust the Lord's plan and his timing because it wasn't in our control. I understood that the Lord had brought us through this long and painful season because he was tearing and striking us down, so that he could heal and bind us back up. This was his way of disciplining us and making us better followers of Him. This was his way of exposing our weaknesses and areas where we didn't fully trust him. He was exposing our sin but building us back up in His Son's image through this suffering. This was His perfect plan, and this was how he was going to get the Glory. We both just had such a peace during this time because we finally had surrendered it all to Him.

During the waiting time, I had an amazing dream one night. It was a dream that without a doubt was from the Lord. I knew it was a dream from the Lord because of how vividly I remembered it, and the feelings that were tied in with the dream were so real. I dreamt that I was driving my car and stopped at a stoplight. While stopped, I turned around to see our little girl in her carseat. She was grinning from ear to ear. I told her how much I loved her, and then the light turned green. I vaguely remember what she looked like. I'm pretty sure she had blonde hair like me. She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. As I drove home in my dream, I remember feeling this overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude because the Lord had blessed us immensely. I kept thanking the Lord for this amazing gift. I was so anxious to get home to Adam, so we could just spend hours soaking up our sweet baby girl. It is almost hard to describe the emotions in this dream. It seemed completely real. I almost feel like I am doing this dream an injustice because I truly can't explain every detail. When I woke up, I told Adam about the dream and how real it was. (I never remember my dreams so this was a miracle in and of itself.) We talked about how cool it was but we also didn't want to put all our hope in a dream. It gave me a glimpse of hope that we might be pregnant. But at the same time, I didn't want to be disappointed again. I wanted to type/write this dream down so that one day if it was true, then I could tell our little girl. (Side Note: I am not saying that we are definitely having a girl. I'm just stating facts from my dream.) Either way, it was a beautiful dream and I'm so glad the Lord used that to speak to me because...

Our Current Pregnancy with Our Little Miracle Baby

On April 20, 2016, we found out we were PREGNANT! What?! This could not be true. Maybe we looked at the test wrong. No-it was clear as day! WE WERE FINALLY PREGNANT! I can't even describe to you the excitement and joy that Adam and I experienced that morning. I was completely in awe. I was so humbled and honored that the Lord had given us this gift. I'm pretty sure that the whole day all I could pray was, "Thank you Jesus." I literally had no words and I just kept crying tears of joy. After all we had been through, I couldn't even fathom that this dream had just come true. This Psalm was the perfect description of all the ways we wanted to exalt and praise our Savior's name.

"A psalm of praise. Of David. I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. All you have made will praise you, O LORD; your saints will extol you. They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever." Psalm 145

We waited a couple of hours before we called our parents to tell them. (We wake up super early for work, so I didn't want them to think something was wrong.) To say they were over the moon with excitement is an understatement! Then, we told our family, friends and small group members throughout the day. It was such an exciting day! A day filled with the most thankfulness and gratitude and love and excitement that we could ever imagine. Adam and I will be the first to tell you-We don't know what we would have done through this season without all of these special people loving, supporting, praying, and encouraging us through everything. They were there in the bad times and the good times. They stood by our side even in times when we thought we might not survive from all the hurt and pain. They were there no matter what-even if they didn't have the words to say. They were there for me when I needed to just sit and cry in their arms for 15 minutes. They were there praying for us constantly. They have also been with us in this exciting new season and have been celebrating with us and praising God every step of this pregnancy. This was the definition of what godly community is supposed to look like. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all these sweet family members and friends that the Lord has truly blessed us with. You have loved us just as Christ has showed us how to love. God Bless their precious, sweet souls.

Week 4 and 5: After much excitement, I called my nurse to let her know that we were pregnant! I was so excited to share the news with the people who have helped us so much along the way. She called me back later that school day and wanted me to come in the very next day for blood work. On Thursday, I went in for blood work to make levels were measuring as they should be. She called me back Friday with amazing results! My blood work looked amazing. They brought me in again on Monday for more blood tests, and then again on Wednesday. Each time my blood results looked great and my levels were rising. Praise the Lord for these nurses because they watched me and this sweet baby very closely. That gave me such of a peace of mind. We continued to see God's provision and hand over this baby over and over again. That is why this sweet child of ours is known as our little Christmas miracle.

Now, let me be very honest. Having 2 prior pregnancies that ended in miscarriages doesn't exactly leave your mind. We were both a little timid/scared of the unknown. I had so many questions of "what if?" floating in my mind. Satan has a way of using this to make us fear during pregnancy. Those of you reading this that have had a miscarriage know exactly what I'm talking about. It is a fear that the same thing will happen again but it is completely out of our control. We refused to give way to fear though because we were not going to let fear grip us. Right after finding out we were pregnant, I wrote down and meditated on a few verses about not fearing and trusting the Lord. I would cling to these verses over and over again when I felt fear creeping in.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord! He is their help and their shield." Psalm 115:11
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
"Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For insider what great things he has done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

 Week 6: During week 6, we were finally going to see Baby Curtis via ultrasound. We were so excited but right before this appointment, I was having to pray through some major fears. In all reality, I was terrified to look at that ultrasound because I didn't know if the screen would show good or bad news. Either way, we would trust the Lord and praise him no matter what our circumstances were. Dr. Schnorr performed my ultrasound and confirmed that Baby C was growing right on track and looked great. We could even see the tiny flicker of the heartbeat which measured about 110. This is when they gave us our official due date. One of the nurses asked, "Do you know your due date yet?" I told her I knew it was going to be around Christmas time. She giggled and said, "Your baby is due on Christmas day." I started tearing up in this moment because I was just so thankful that the Lord chose me to carry this blessing. We both were thankful that the Lord continued to protect this child. We both were grinning about the due date being Christmas because this baby was nothing short of a miracle. At this appointment, Baby C was about the size of a chocolate chip. Some of these pictures don't look like a baby yet because of how early in the pregnancy I was but here is our ultrasound at about 6 weeks:

Week 7: During week 7, we were able to see Baby Curtis on ultrasound again. The doctors brought me in about once a week to give us peace of mind. It was such a blessing but it was also really cool to see how much our baby would grow in one week span. We have so many ultrasound pictures from almost every week to reflect back on baby's growth. At this appointment, Baby C was about the size of a blueberry. The heartbeat was measuring at about 160. Our sweet baby was growing right on track and still due on Christmas day! If there was one thing we learned during this season, it was to give all credit to the Lord. Praise his Holy Name for knitting this child in my womb. Praise Him for protecting my body and our baby. Praise Him for this baby growing right on track. Praise Him for a team of doctors/nurses that were so wise about their jobs. Praise Him for every day and week of this pregnancy because from our point of view, each step was a miracle. Here is a picture of Baby C at about 7 weeks:

Week 8: I was not supposed to have a doctors visit during week 8 because of my previous check ups that looked great. During that week, I felt as if my symptoms were fading away. This made me extremely nervous even though Adam assured me that everything was ok. Thankfully, they were able to get me in last minute one afternoon. At week 8, Baby C was about the size of a Jelly Bean. Our appointment confirmed that everything was perfect. Baby C's heartbeat was 160 and baby was measuring right on target at 8 weeks and 4 days. Huge Praise!! This was the farthest the baby had ever developed in all of my pregnancies! What a relief this was to see such great news! This was also my last appointment scheduled at Coastal Fertility Specialists. Usually around week 9, the doctors release you to go back to seeing your regular OB. This was a bitter sweet moment for us. I loved every person that we came into contact with at this facility. Everyone was so excited for our pregnancy. We gave Dr. Schnorr and my nurse Andrea a hug before leaving. Here is a short thank you to some of the kindest people we know:

As I reflect back on this journey, this doctor and his team of amazing nurses and staff were one of the biggest blessings during such a hard season of life.  I have so much respect for this amazing team of specialists who provided more than just physical help. God is so so so good! He never ceases to amaze me. I am a lover of details-when it comes to everything. God perfectly orchestrated every single detail of our story and intertwined it with these people. Through our 7 months of struggling with infertility, they never ceased to give up hope and were determined that one day we would be holding a child in our arms. Thank you times a million to Coastal Fertility Specialists for making us feel like we were way more than just patients. Thank you Dr. Schnorr and Andrea for being the most wonderful doctor and nurse that God could have ever placed in our lives. Dr. Schnorr-I knew from your hundreds of Tabasco ties that you were going to be the perfect match for us. Your joyful spirit and outgoing personality kept us positive during this time. Andrea-Your sweet and gentle nature and your honesty was so refreshing. Thank you for being there for me, as more than just a nurse, but someone to talk too. The two of you have been such a blessing to Adam and I and we are forever grateful. You both will always hold a special place in our hearts. 

I wish I could put into words how thankful we were at this appointment. All I can say is that God just continued to show up over and over again and provided for us in numerous ways. He just kept telling me to trust him more and each time, I became more and more in awe of how good and perfect our Heavenly Father truly is. This is one of those times where I needed to trust the Lord more and not lean on my own understanding. Trust me-God has taught me a lot about learning to trust him with absolutely no borders. The worship song called, "Oceans" by Hillsong United became the theme song of my life.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior." 

Here is an ultrasound picture of our little baby bean at about 8 weeks:

Week 9: Week 9 was a big week because I was no released to my regular OB for normal monitoring.  At this week in the pregnancy, a lot of risks go way down. I was also able at week 9 to stop taking my Progesterone hormone medicine.  Baby C was now about the size of a grape. My first appointment at East Cooper OBGYN went really well. I had already met my doctor one time back in December. I had scheduled an appointment to meet her that way when I was pregnant and released by Dr. Schnorr, it would not be my first time meeting her. Right off the bat, I knew she was an amazing doctor and that we were a good match. This is just yet another way the Lord continued to provide for us.

At this appointment, Baby C's heartbeat was around 180 and the measuring was right on target. There were several really exciting things about this doctors visit. We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time in this pregnancy. That sound never gets old. It's like music to you ears. During our ultrasound, our baby started wiggling around. Seeing that will just blow your mind. I am so in awe of all the details that God designed for women in pregnancy. I can't even fathom how much it amazes me to hear and see the parts of the process where God is knitting this sweet baby inside of me. I always think about this verse when I ponder about the miracle that God is growing inside of me.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!" Psalm 139:13-17

Here is an ultrasound of our sweet little babe at about 9 weeks:

Our Miscarriage Scares: Right after this appointment, we had a miscarriage scare. It was the weekend and we were with friends hanging out one night. I had been feeling fine all day and didn't think anything was wrong. I went to the bathroom and noticed that I started spotting. I wasn't cramping bad or anything like my previous miscarriages though. I was in panic mode. I called Adam into another room to tell him that I was spotting. We both agreed that we needed to go the hospital right away. On the way to the hospital, we were texting friends and family to let them know what happened and to ask for prayers. Thank goodness for these friends and family who were our prayer warriors during this time. It was one of the scariest moments of our lives. As scared as we were, we refused to believe that we would miscarry this time. I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would protect this sweet child and that this baby would not be miscarried. I prayed and commanded that my body be in line with God's plan. I ask for his hand and protection over this child. We continued to pray until we were seen by a doctor.

It was pretty late on that Saturday night so the hospital didn't have an ultrasound tech available at the time. They had called the ultrasound tech that was on call that night, and she drove to the hospital. In those moments, it felt like we were waiting for an eternity. While we waited and prayed, we both felt that the Holy Spirit was with us because we had this overwhelming sense of peace. A peace that only comes from the Lord in a time like this. In these moments, we just clung to the Lord and prayed for his hand over this baby. Looking back on this moment, I am thankful for the Lord's presence and thankful for how it challenged us to cling to the Lord more. It reminded me to be thankful that He was in control and that He is Sovereign over all.

The ultrasound tech finally arrived and did an ultrasound of the baby. Praise the Lord for this sweet women who came in and was so gentle and kind. She immediately showed us the baby and the heartbeat. What a relief! While she was checking to make sure my uterus and ovaries looked normal, she noticed the baby moving. The baby was just a wiggling in there. God sure does have a sense of humor. How sweet it was to see baby doing just fine and wiggling all around in there. She also showed us the (good) cyst on my left ovary that was producing progesterone for the baby. This made me feel a lot better because I didn't have that in previous pregnancies. This also was even more confirmation that my body didn't need the extra progesterone medicine anymore. Overall, the visit was extremely comforting and I was so thankful that we could go home and go to sleep knowing that our Baby was in the Lord's hands.

"For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and was among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."2 Corinthians 6:16 

I had another miscarriage scare not the very last day of school. Thank goodness my students had already left for the school year. My Mom had come to help me clean up and pack some of my classroom for summer storage. I went to the bathroom and noticed spotting again. I was scared but not as scared as the week prior when I started spotting. I called my doctor's office and scheduled an ultrasound for them fit me in. While waiting for my afternoon appointment, my nurse called to talk with me. She said that it was probably just normal spotting that happens sometimes. She asked if I had been cramping which I had not been. So they brought me in just for peace of mind and to check on our baby. Adam met me at the doctors office and they called us in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was so nice. She said she didn't blame me one bit for coming in to check on things seeing as I had a history of 2 prior miscarriages. Baby Curtis looked great! Praise Jesus!!! The heartbeat was strong and the measurements were right where they needed to be. Baby C was also just a wiggling in there again. I was so thankful for this facility being so willing to take me in last minute just to double check everything. In these moments, we have learned to fully rely on the Lord and trust in His plan. Our faith has definitely be challenged through these moments. Ultimately, we have really learned to trust the Lord. Through this our faith has been strengthened, we are being sanctified to be made in Christ's image, and our hearts are being molded to reflect Jesus.  Praise the Lord for another great check up and a healthy baby. Here is a picture of Baby Curtis at about 10 weeks:

Week 10 and 11:  During these two weeks, I did not have an appointment scheduled. My next appointment wasn't supposed to be until week 12. During these weeks, I was now officially on summer break. I was loving my time off! I was sleeping in late and relaxing and trying to get some errands done that I don't normally have time to do during a busy work week. The only problem was that I almost had too much time on my hands to sit and think. This really started to take a toll on my mind.

My symptoms were starting to ease up. In the weeks prior, I had been really nauseous and had constant acid reflux. I also had NO appetite for any food. Things that I used to love to eat would repulse me even just thinking about them. (I will be the first to tell you that all of those yucky symptoms were a blessing. During the time in between appointments, it kept Adam and I at such a peace because we knew that baby was growing and developing. I will never complain about any symptom during pregnancy because as much as they stink, it is God's way of affirming that he is knitting together a child in my womb. What a blessing it is to have confirmation of the work that is happening inside of me.) Because my symptoms were somewhat fading, I decided it was probably best to call the doctors and talk with a nurse.

I spoke with my nurse at East Cooper and she told me that since I was nearing the end of my first trimester, my symptoms fading was totally normal. That definitely eased my mind to hear her say that. She also said they could try to fit me in to the schedule the next morning for an ultrasound. I took her up on this opportunity because sitting at home and stressing wasn't good for me or the baby. Again, I needed to take this to the Lord instead of always relying on the doctors to ease my mind. At this appointment, I was about 11 1/2 weeks. Baby C was about the size of a lime. Baby C measured right on target and the heartbeat was 167. During this ultrasound, she showed us the nasal bone on the baby. The nasal bone is a great sign that the baby has no chromosomal abnormalities. What a blessing it was that she pointed this out to us! That eased our minds even more. Since I was measuring almost 12 weeks, we were pretty much considered in the "safe zone." Here is my latest ultrasound picture of our baby which is at 11 1/2 weeks:

Week 12:  Week 12 was the latest appointment I have had with my doctor. At my 12 week appointment, I had a normal check up. They took a urine sample and checked my blood pressure. Instead of an ultrasound, they used their fetal doppler monitor to check the heartbeat. I will never get tired of hearing the sound of our sweet baby's heartbeat. At that appointment, Baby C's heartbeat was about 163. The doctor answered a couple of questions and then we were sent on our way. After our appointment, my sweet friend, Stephanie took our announcement pictures. (Side Note: She is so talented! These pictures were just what we were wanting. I think it's pretty clear from the pictures the amount of love and joy we have already for our sweet baby.) To say we were excited is an understatement. We finally made it to week 12! We were almost in my second trimester! As I reflect back on every week, I continue to see God's faithfulness throughout this pregnancy and throughout His story that he has written about our lives.

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Week 13:  Praise the Lord because we are currently in week 13! One of my good friends let me borrow her at home fetal doppler to hear our baby's heartbeat in between appointments. That has been something fun to do at home and in between appointments. I don't have another appointment for a couple of weeks. My next appointment is at a special 3D/4D ultrasound place. We will find out the gender the next day at our gender reveal party. Not many updates this week except for the fact that we are still ecstatic about this baby!

Last little side note: The Lord has written this beautiful story in our lives about redemption and his faithfulness. After we lost our first baby, the Lord laid it on my heart for me to share our story. I didn't know the timing of when he wanted me to do so but I knew I wanted to be obedient to his will. I felt that it was very heavy on my heart to share our story when we announced that we were pregnant one day. I obviously had not a clue when this would be. After we found out we were pregnant, I felt the Lord really tugging me to post our story. Once I was on summer break and about 10/11 weeks along, I started working on this blog post. For Adam and I, we would not be glorifying the Lord if we just announced we were pregnant and only shared the good news. We knew that the way that He would get the most glory was to share not just the good news but the pain and suffering that led up to it. This is not something that we would have ever done on our own. After all, who wants to share their most intimate details of their lives for the whole world to see? I definitely wasn't raising my hand for this one. But in the end, this is something the Lord has called us to and we want to see to it that we are obedient and honoring Him in all we do. We have had so many friends encouraging us along the way as we decided to air our story. Thank you to those people who have encouraged us to do so! My friend Lauren gave me this piece of truth to encourage me last week:

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls." Hebrews 10:39

Let me end with this: So far, this pregnancy has been a healthy one and baby seems to be doing great. We are not promised tomorrow though and neither is this baby. Whether our baby is born in December or we lose our baby again to miscarriage, we will still praise the Lord. We will praise Him no matter our circumstance. We will praise Him in our mourning and praise Him in our rejoicing. As I stated in the very beginning, our prayer is that our story offers comfort and peace to someone that might have a similar story. If you just read this entire novel, thank you for taking the time to read the testimony that the Lord has written for our lives. Thank you to the Holy Spirit who led us to write this and for giving us the words to put on this page. Thank you to the Lord for challenging us to put our story out there. To Him be all the Honor and Glory. Amen.

"Amen!  Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" Revelation 7:12

With Love,
Adam and Becca

Pregnancy Announcement Photography Credits: Stephanie Adkins: stephadkins.com